my faults that make my guilt

ok so im sittin here crying because i feel bad and all my emotions are a mess. over one person. im usually this hard cold person who trys not to let anything get into my heart..but somehow its not workin now. i hope i dont fall to peices. ok so i wanted to post my faults so i wouldnt feel bad. im an angry person m also always in alot a pain due to my past. im selfish at times and i hate it..i bloody hate it. i still try to impress people even though im perfectly fine with who i am..no wait im not fine with who i am..i can live with myself but im not fine with who i am. im very needy and sometimes i can be dependent...i crave affection and attenion. why i cant stand it. i always feel im never good enough. im a good friend..ill go over backwards for people. but somehow its always to benefit me..i HATE IT. i want to be person who dosent feel like everything they do is to benifit themselfs....i over anylize everything i do. i hate it. i try so hard but get so lazy and quit..I HATE IT. sometimes i do the most drastic things to make people feel bad..im a manipulater..I HATE IT...i feel like im a bad person..the only thing i know is im a good friend and a fucked up person...I HHAAATTTEEE IT im very doubt full tooo..i doubt myself more than anything in the world....i put on a facade that im confident and great...but i hate it..i want to be confident an great...god help me...i want to be free