im playin for keeps

okay so ive been lackin to update this..me and jeremy broke up but got back together..he took me to meet the family..hes family luvs me..his brother took me 4-wheelin and then we went swimmin in the creek..and fished a little bit..jeremy just watched and didnt envole himself....he keeps callin me a red neck....errrrrr...i really think i love him...ive realized i love matt but not in the way i thought..its craxy this love triangle sht...the one thing that scares me tho bout my and jeremys relationship is leah and paul...no just leah..it is vey obvious leah has a attrction towards jeremy and i fear it is self returned to her by jeremy. and leah is a drama queen..i just one smack her in the face and tell her to be real..jeremys best friend paul which is a good friend of mine and leahs boyfriend feels the same way..he was telling me how she drives him nuts with her bullshit...they do not do well together..i fear pauls gonna lose it with her..everytime she has issues with e or paul she runs to jeremy my bf and pauls best friend....ive haD IT WITH LEAH..i love jeremy and i wish leah could be removed from the picture..but how...ill come up with something....omg i love jeremy...me and megan sat down and talked the other day bout our issues with each other and then she said i was really the only person she had ......i felt honored but at the same time i felt like someone just droped a million bolders on my sholders..i love megan with all my heart and ill always be there for her......i wanna get away for a while to clear my head....its racing and churning and screaming.....i need a break from people and the drama..im used to being alone and now i have a large circle of friends and they are all conected and it creates drama...i never have time to myself anymore....i actually miss it...thats bad...i wish it was just me and jeremy...not leah and paul....tooooo...well i gotta get off here and do laundry/...tata

i cant fix u and u dont want me

ok so right now me and my boyfriend..i think..r fighting cuz he thinks i had sex with one of my good friends matt tompson..come on now...plus i think im in love with dem both now...one wants me half way and the other fully..or did i think..ive just had it...my girl megan went to the hospital the other day..i was worried shitless bout her....ugh..everythings fine do....i think...um lately ive felt like my friends r trying to make me pick and choose my friends and im just sooo stressed and i dont know what yto do bout it but try like always to make EVERYONE happy......i want to stay wit jeremey but my gosh hes so fucking complicated...damn..and i thouyght i was a drama queen haha....neways..ttyall later

when im with him i am thinking of you

ok so heres the update..ive been back in contact with matt and for some reason completely fell..i didnt tell him that tho..i just told him i hadnt been attracted to a guy in over a year untill i started to talk to him...he was atually supposed to come up today but he never showed...im really hurt over that..i started crying..crying for god sakes....andi cant call him for some reason his phone wont work..and he hasnt called me or bothered to call and say hey..im not showing..fuck that man..i met some new awesome friends..leah,paul and jeremy...jeremy likes me tho but nothing really clicks..but once matt told me he wasnt into me i said what the hell..lets give this guy a try..but when im with him all im thinking of is matt. wtf its so wrong but i cant stop...i dont understand i dont...and the fucked up thing is that in highschool matt was like inlove with me and now that i am into him its like..wtf ever..yeah im always second best...as many times as ive been thru this shit ud think itd hurt less..it hurts more and more.....i wish hed call me..if he really caqres like he says he wouldnt leave me hangin...but who knows...

halluluia..oh wait..i forgot his number

ok so i went swimin today..i met this really cute guy 24 yers old and likes everything i like...except..i didnt have the guts to ask his number....i was waitin for him..tuped stuped me...he loved the ocean, to travel, and he made me feel speacial...not many people can do that anymore..so im..like fuck it.so ima have to go to kianawha city pool more often and tey to catch this guys number....im back at my apartment for the first time in a week...and a feel a hell of alot beter than when i left.....supposbly one a my friends might be comn back up to live with me but....idk..somethin just doesent seem right to me.....but maybe im being paranoid...who knows....ive been dalin with the he said she said drama again. i hate that shit..but everything got worked out on both sides so its alright......one of my friends moms is callin me askin bout her daughter..well she left a voicemail cuz i wasnt there at the time my phone rang...i was swimming..(hugs water)...so when i heard the voicemail..i was like shit..cuz my friend had asked me to not tell her where shes at but her mother was like please call me back i really need to get ahold of her..i really like her mom and want to tell her whats goin on but o also dont want to upset my friend and ruin our friendship...so im in a kind of perdicument here....thats life for ya tho...so yeah...well im gonna go try and get ahold of this dude i just met..so holla if ya know me..if not get the fuck off my blog

fuck fuck fuck fuck

ok so im sittin here cryin my eyes out hopin to god that its not her on the computer at her house..cuz if so that means shes not pickin up which means her stuped mother fucking boyfriend is tellin her no can speak to me..and if i find out thats the case im gonna go down to belington police station and start some helll. and if its that she rather choose him over me as a friend..well then ive just about had it. i wish everone would just shut the fuck up and listen to me for once..ive been thru it fucking all ...i love megan to death..i fuckin do but this is bullshit..maybe im just overreactin. maybe its him from his computer at work and megans out somewhere...but if thats not the case im gonna give people hell. IVE HAD IT

she be talkin to me like im dumb. i shouldve known

ok so today i was horrible. me and megan got into a argument and then she left today. i cried before she left but after she left i think i cried for three hours straight...ohh if you could only feel my headache. i called a hotline and they calmed me down..my mom says shes tired of me and my problems. so no help from thatcold hearted bitch......i hate my mm sometimes. i just got done eating cheeses stick...i have this bad feeling that its gonna be a bitch for me to talk to my bff. i havent answered any phone calls today..exp my big mistake of an ex chris..uch..so i said fuck the bitch i dont need the shit..lol ..btw thats not towards u megan. even tho we had are momments i will always luv her and so if ur readin this megan i want you to know ill be there for you always. so if i start acting crazy just kick me in the ass an tell me to get over it...cuz i will.

yeah its been a few days

ok so the past few days ive started to get agervated. some people just dont listen. some people never learn. im an expert at guys an there little games...and something smells fishey.
im trying to get a hold of my girl alyssa. but its difficult. its diffucult to get ahold of anybody..does no one want to talk to me? tommorow im goin up to my mums to see my bro and my son. im afraid to leave megan here by herself. way too many fuckin reasons why i should just stay here. but i want oo see my whole family. im also tired of constant drama. i really do need some me time.