hahaha..fuck

ok so im about to head to bed early, ive done nothing all day but for some reason im exhausted. all ive done is watch tv ..talk to my girl megan. luv er to death, and get on the internet. i didnt even cook today.,.wtf. i did go outside though for about 10 minutes and and while i was out there i picked off three bugs. a catapillar, a spider.ehhhhhh. and a green bug. i havent talked to anyone as much as i do megan in a long time..except for my mum i call her like 5 times a day...i geuss somehow maybe im mental an emotionally exushted. who knows. and for some reason today i got really angry over something stuped. i had to go take a few breaths and tell myself everythin is alrght.... i need to start takin my depakote again lol. im gettin upset about everything. ok so imma gonna graba somethina toa eata beforea i a goa toa beda. hmm i dont know what though. my fridge is full of junk that i dont wanna eat and i dont wanna cook either. shit heres a way to lose weight...buy stuff you dont like..thats what i get for not eating before i go grocery shopping. i thnk im gonna clean house tommorow before my mum comes up with xander. me and her are gonna go to the farmers market..im gonna get some more herbs for my garden. i dont know what though. ok im gettin a head ache...im gonna get off here write more senseless crap letter..lol now i sound like my brother..

aaaahhhhhh

ok so i woke up to early this morning. uch i just cant seem to sleep in. i was gonna cook my favrite food mashed pataos when i woke up but then i realized i had no milk..i always drink it all...got milk?...so far today ive watch charmed made coffee, checked my myspace talked to my girl megan and got completely shocked and disgusted by the fact i had some random couple ask me to have a threesome with them on myspace. WTF. here in a few days i have to go grocery shoppin and pay my bills...oh how i hate bills

back at my apartment

my mother dropped me off at my apartment today. it was early too, i was grumpy because mom woke me up so early. so ive been tired and all ive done is sit n my lazy ass. i need to clean up. exp since a friend might be comin over. xander stayed with mom as usual. so far today ive watched tv,played pokemon, and got on the internet. i want to party and be livly. but how the fuck do i do that. well ill write more when i have more to write.

xanders birthday yesterday

so yesterday was xanders birthday

he was kinda fussy throught his birthday party but otherwise it was good. i got him a green hairball, a blow up roller coaster, which he gets inside and rolls in, and a huge ball. xander loved his cake. he just gorged it down. when me and mom were cooking the cake we let him try the icing, and he kept screming untill he got some more. i can tell hes gonna have a sweet tooth.

it was a pretty good day over all.
xander also got a pool, a toy that spins, some bath toys and mopre

today so far i blew up the pool and put water in it. sometime today im gonna take xander outside to play in it with his bath toys. if hes gonna be movin with me to the ocean or by it he needs to get used to water. well i might post more later..untill then

my computer crashed...

so my computer crashed two days ago and my tech savy family fixed it for me. i think. so now i can use my computer again yay...i went to a wedding shower today. my brothers best friend is getting married, kevin. all though the girl hes getting marred to is retarted an annoying. ive always looked up to kevin. i never though hed marry an idiot. xander was a complete dollbaby there..didnt whine once for the whole 3 hours. though he is unusually calm for a baby. though tommorow he wont be a baby anymore..hell be a toddler. he turns one. i got him a big blow up wheel that he could get inside and roll around in. i also got him a HUGE bouncy ball. i know xander will love it. also xander took his first step today..unbelievable.. a week ago he learned how to stand. my son is superhuman lol. incredibly calm, smart, and beautiful. very quick learner..well he was slow on crawling..but once he learned he was flyin. well i think im gonna get off here and eat some ciniomon rolls. only thing ive had today is spagetti...oh but it was good..ok wml

frustration resurfaced

ok so i was going back to my old aim for a momment and geuss who pops up on my screen. an old ex (joey)who i havent talked to in a year and a half. its amazing how he would keep my screenname on his aim. at first i didnt recognize the screen name then as soon as he metoned his name i became infuriated and signed off. not to long ago he tried to get in contact with me. he messaged me on myspace and i denied his friend request. after all of the shit he put me through. he thinks im gonna just be all hunky dory with him. hes out of his flippin mind. if i ever see him again im gonna straight up kick his ass back where he belongs.

the life of me so far

ok i have no idea where to start but ill try. i was born feb 16 1989 at 2:35 pm . my brother wanted to name me wesley but my mom bargained with him and said leslie. my father was kicked out by my mother before i was born. so ive never met my biological father. i was quite the honry child growing up. i hit kciked and bit my mom constanly whenever i didnt get what i wanted. i started seeing a shrink at the age of 4 believe it or not. a psychitrist and a thearpist. my first time in a mental hospital was at the age of 4. the only father i knew was buzz my brothers dad. and he only came up on sundays. he was a great man to untill he died when i was 10. after that i started acting out and had to go back and see a shrink. i was seen at the once shawnee hills(now prestera) with a thearpist and at behavioral medcine with a psychitrist. it didnt help much. i was put into a behavoral porgram called davis stuart in lewisburg wv. i was 12 at this time. this i also when i became pagan. i was there for a year and a half before i was pulled out because it wasnt helping me. i was still as physically agressive as ever. i went home for about 6 months until i got really agressive again and went into a minors jail untill they found me a place at pressley ridge whiteoak. a lockdown behavoiral moddification facility. i was there for 9 motnhs untill they felt i was ready to be realeased. and i went home again and i went to herbert hoover highschool in my hometown. there i took drama classes and chourus classes. i certainly wasnt the best student in the world but i did love the arts. while in chorus i met someone name joey, the first guy i ever fell in love with. he had asked me out first. i denied him at first because i didnt like him but i decided to give him a chance. at firs t we were alot alike we went out for a year until i found out he was going back out with his old sweetie. i broke up with him but still loved him. only later to find out from him that it was all i big scheme to get his old girlfriend back from that point on i hated him and stoped talking to him. this being two years from when we first broke up. i went on rebound with another guy named william untill he broke up with me for his ex..then i just blew. i got into a huge fight with his ex that he dumped me over. so i was arrested that same day and takin to a juvinelle jail again. thankfully i got out the same day and went to river park a mental hospital for youth. most people would have got suspended for a week..no not me. i got sent off again. there iwas went through diagnostic testing untill they put me in their facilty for the seroiusly emotionally disturbed. barboursville school. after i was there for 6 months i was transfered to a step down facility called preslley ridge odyssey. like all the others it was a group of ten or less girls living together. i actually met a good friend of mine there. i spent almost a year there until i turned 18 then i walked out.(these facilitys cant hold adults if they dont want to stay. so i went home and took my ged and went to college at state university in institute unill i got knocked up by a guy i never should have got involved with. i dropped out . went home and me and mom got into a fight again and she kicked me out. so i went to a homeless shelter called brookside shelter in kanawaha city. while i was there i had a huge change in my belief. i had a very strange dream it eventually brought me back to believing in god/christianity. i decided i couldnt live without the magick so i settled for both paganisim and christianity. its more like i believe in god but i also believe in magick and the paranormal anyways after being at the shelter for a whilei came in conflict with the staff. i got so angry with the shlter staff i walked out. sincei had nowhere else to go my mother took me back in. about 8 months into my pregnancy i got really sick. i got severe pains and rushed to the emergency room. i was in the hospital for a week while there i had to have a c section. my babys heart was failing. so i had a son. alexander herschel christenson. he was in nicu for a week because of bvreatrhing problems. i didnt get to see him for a week though because i was quarintened. at that time they didnt know what was wrong with me. they just thought i had the flu so i got released and got celulitis too. a week later my breathing was basicly hypervenilating and i was rushed to the hospital again. all my stats were off the wall. finally they found out i had severe nemonia and a plural fusion caused by it. the plural effusion is what caused the pain that i went to the hospital the first time. i even almost had to have surgry to remove the fluid. two months after i got out i got extrmely agressive and was sent to highland mental hospital for a week. mom watched xander for me. i got out and two weeks i was back in the hosptal at bateman. i stayed there for almost three months untill they felt iwas safe for myself and others. while there mom got temperary custody of my son so that cps wouldnt try and take him. when i got out i went to a transitional shelter untill my mom got really sick and i had to come home and take care of her and my son. bout a month later i got my own place. where im at now. vista view apartments charleston wv. the agreemant was xander stays with mom untill im stable on my meds and am finacially stable. so far ive been in the apartment2 months. so now im planing to go back to school and my mother has agreed to watch him while i get ready and while im in school. i plan to go to carver career center in august fot culinary school towards becoming a chef. then i plan to work on a cruise line and possibly move to honolulu oahu, hawaii. i still see xander all the time. im as much in his life as if he were never gone. but im trying to fufill my dreams so i can beter fufill my sons. thats my life so far